Alexa, Thank You

 

Mom, me, and Kenny in 1964 on the road to New Mexico.

Recently, after hearing distant thunder, I wondered about the forecast. Unfortunately, my phone was not within reach. And being too lazy to fire up the laptop, I turned to my Echo Show and asked, “Alexa, what’s the forecast?” My dutiful digital assistant quickly responded. When “she” finished, I responded, without thinking, “Alexa, thank you!" My Mama always taught me to say please and thank you, but I am not sure this is what she meant. I laughed at myself and forgot about the incident, though Alexa's kindness in response to my "thank you" did linger. You see, Alexa thanked me for my kindness. Obviously, Alexa's Mama, or programmers, also taught her well.

 

Over the years, I have thanked Alexa for forecasts, adding things to our shopping list, or updating me on the headlines. Each time, Alexa responds with one of several responses thanking me for my kindness. It has become a little game, but I suspect it is actually more than a “little game.”

 

I don’t know about you, but I sure miss kindness! Being considerate has become rare in our internet-driven, hit-and-run culture that is less concerned about other’s feelings than our own impulses. Rudeness is in! We refuse to acknowledge when we are at fault and never apologize. Taking other's generosity for granted and taking it as our due without a thank you. Mocking people who struggle and disrespecting people who disagree with us is the order of the day. This is nothing new, but this bad behavior has never had the social acceptance it enjoys. It’s called rudeness and reveals our culture's fundamental lack of kindness.

 

I could drone on about why the change happened and parse the various ways we have become so uncaring and inconsiderate. But I suspect there is no going back. While the history and analysis might be interesting, they will not likely take us back to what one GOP President described as a “kinder and gentler America.” Nope, now we must look forward and discover ways to restore consideration and respect for others in our daily conversations and interactions. My suggestion? Two simple words: discipline and practice.

 

My Mom considered kindness a skill rather than a deep-seated value grounded in a lasting compassion and respect for ourselves and others. (I said I wasn't going to parse it out, but I couldn't help myself.) I suspect she believed that her “little heathens” (she raised four boys) needed to acquire the skill of kindness, and the understanding would follow. So, we were taught to say “Please” and “Thank you.” When a grandparent was talking, we listened. When someone was on the phone, everyone else remained quiet. No one took the last serving of mashed potatoes. If you bumped into someone accidentally, you said, "I'm sorry." If someone’s hands were full, we opened the door for them. Did she stop and explain the why and when of each incident when we transgressed Mom’s rule of the road? Nope,  for Mom, "the look," usually followed by the question, "Did you forget something?" was enough to prompt our kind response. My Mom understood that we needed to practice more than a lecture, and she helped us “practice” kindness, whether we understood it or not. She trusted that as we grew, we would come to see and appreciate kindness for its own sake, and her "guidance" would no longer be needed. (She was, after all, an optimist.)

 

Mom understood that being courteous and sensitive to others is not only about them. How I treat others is about who I am as a person. The world sees us through our words and actions far more accurately than in the carefully crafted and coifed face we present each day. Being a good person had nothing to do with success and bank accounts. Being a good person was all about how we treated others. She taught her boys that our consideration and respect for others said far more about us than anything else we would ever do or say. In her book, being kind is a fundamental skill for a good person.

 

Mom has been gone for almost 30 years, and I am still working on this skill. There are people whom I find it very easy to disrespect and treat inconsiderately. I find it especially easy to be unkind to people who did not have a mom to teach them the importance of kindness. When I slipped up, I saw my Mom look and heard her question, “Did you forget something?” This kindness stuff requires lots of practice regardless of how long I have worked on it.

 

I suspect many of us need much more practice at being kind! I also suspect that if we want to change the world around us, we might start by being a lot more intentional about practicing kindness. For me, that means thanking Alexa as often as I think about it. Kindness is not necessarily just about being kinder. It’s called practice at being a decent human being. And I know with absolute certainty that our world needs another good and decent human being.

 

Bob

 

For s little inspiration, click here.

Requiem for a Stink Bug

 

This story could also be called The Tale of the Inconvenient Alien. It shares our experience with a creature that has invaded our Motorhome more than once and refuses to go away. It has come seeking shelter from the harsh world where they live. As far as we are concerned, they are more annoying than dangerous, but we do get tired of being forced to live with them. We would rather that they go away, but they keep showing up. They are the Inconvenient Alien in our life, the Marmorated Stink Bug.

 

Scientifically known as Halyomorpha halys, this critter is a true bug. It feeds on fruits and vegetables with its long proboscis, causing damage to commercial crops throughout the USA and Europe. It is an Asian invasive species that arrived in North America in the mid-1990s. They generally live outdoors, where they lay their eggs, feed, and do their damage. But when the weather turns cold, they overwinter in any convenient sheltered spot, like  Koko, our Motorhome. They do not feed or lay eggs in winter. Instead, they find a cozy place, nap until the weather warms, and head out to resume their lives.

 

This means that the bugs we pick up in the Midwest ride with us back to Texas tucked away in Koko’s nooks and crannies. But when the temps rise to 65 F or above, they come out and start looking for a way to get outside. We see 1 – 5 of them every day.

 

They are not called Stink Bugs because of their personality. If you physically crush them, they give off a horrible smell that lingers for days. Several years ago, we were telling a friend about them, and they suggested a hand-help bug catcher called a BugZooka that would capture them with air. This allowed us to release them outside without smelling up our home. For the last year, we have been dutifully releasing these critters 1 – 2 at a time.

 

Three months of catch and release was enough. I checked YouTube and discovered these clever creatures were likely not flying off when we released them. They probably came right back in and became “snug as a bug” all over again. When the temperatures rose, they came out seeking freedom once again. We had likely been catching and releasing the same bugs repeatedly. Stronger methods were required since deportation did not work with this bug.

 

After reviewing several methods, we chose a non-chemical way of trapping and exterminating this inconvenient pest. We put together a soapy water trap pictured above. The next morning, we had eliminated our first Halyomorpha halys after years of deportations. And, I have to admit, I felt sorry for the little bug. All life is precious, and this little bug was so much more than a pest.

 

It had done nothing wrong. It was living out its life in the only way that it could. The cycle of overwintering was hard-wired into its DNA. The species had evolved and thrived for thousands of years because of this lifestyle. It was incapable of living any other way. In short, it had not evolved to have agency, the ability to act independently and make their own free choices. I did not want to take its life for my convenience, but I also understood that this bug did not belong here. It did not cause significant problems for me, but it was damaging to others and their livelihoods. With that said, I offered a prayer of confession and carried the corpse outside, where I laid it to rest in the grass. And I have done so several more times. Each time, I offered a Requiem for the Stink Bugs whose life I took, mostly for my own convenience.

 

As I listened to myself processing this experience in my head, I kept hearing the words of people speaking out against those who were coming to the USA as refugees. I heard myself using the same reasoning they use to justify detaining, trapping, and deporting people who are fleeing persecution and seeking refuge in my country. They are pests who have no right to be here. They are dangerous to our way of life and must be deported. I shudder to think how far these anti-immigrant people will go if they keep capturing and deporting the same aliens repeatedly. 90 years ago, a European country came up with their ultimate solution for people they deemed dangerous pests. It was the same “final solution” I used on the Stink Bugs. The reasoning is simple, linear, and clear.

 

There is only one problem with applying my Stink Bug strategy to our Southern Border. Refugees are not stink bugs. They are human beings, and as such, they do have agency. They are not driven by their DNA programming. They are capable of reasoning and acting in new ways that serve their needs, the needs of their families, and the people in their community. They can learn and teach novel ways of supporting themselves. They are "endowed by the creator with certain inalienable rights," namely "…life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."

 

Countries all over the world understand the need for refugees to find a safe haven where they can begin new lives. The Thirteen Colonies understood this and welcomed your and my ancestors to these shores. They saw the humanity in the people seeking to make a new life in the land of opportunity. Well, that is not quite accurate. They saw the humanity in those who looked like them. People of color or who came from places other than Europe were not so well received. Most were enslaved. Others were discouraged from making North America a permanent home. Then, these same European Americans turned on the indigenous people who had been living on the land for thousands of years. They denied the people of these rich and diverse cultures their inalienable rights and committed genocide to rid themselves of these inconvenient pests.

 

All homo sapiens are, by definition, endowed with a humanity that deserves and demands respect. To declare that a society has the right to deny one human being their right to "life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness" is to declare that these rights are not inalienable after all. These rights are bestowed by those in power and withheld from those who are deemed inconveniences. This is not what Jefferson, Adams, or any of the people who built this society believed.

 

Should violent lawbreakers be allowed to enter our country unchallenged? No, but, like our own ancestors, every human being deserves the opportunity to be heard as they make their plea as refugees and not be deported simply because of the color of their skin or the language they speak.

 

How far are we from taking that ultimate solution to protect our homeland from those we deem undesirable? If recent history is any indicator, we are not very far. What will happen when we discover that deportation will not end those seeking refuge on our shores? The reasoning behind an ultimate solution is "simple, linear, and clear." It is also very, very wrong!

 

They are not bugs!

They are human beings worthy of respect and dignity. Until we see their humanity, we will be incapable of acknowledging their right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

 

They are human beings, not bugs.

 

Bob

To Click or Not to Click... Don't take the Clickbait!

 

The hue and cry against intolerance, lies, bigotry, and hatred continues to echo across the globe, especially here in the US of A. No one wants to promote it. Everyone wants to stop it! We all yearn for a society that respects decency, truth-telling, honesty, and love of neighbor.

 

Therefore, how would you feel if you had a tool that could start chiseling away at the walls of deceit and hatred, dismantling them brick by brick? What would you do if you found something you could do that would be a meaningful protest against those who foster division and disunion for their own political and financial gain? Would you do it?

 

Here is your chance to take control. It is very simple. Don’t take the clickbait!

 

If you want to get back to decency and honest conversations in your community, remember, we're all in this together. Don't take the clickbait!

 

If you want to reduce the volume of those who spread hatred against those who are different from the cis male, white evangelical of European descent, then don't take the clickbait!

 

If you want to recover a little peace for your heart and mind so that you can find your footing in this 'slippery' world, then don't take the clickbait and breathe a sigh of relief!

 

What is Clickbait?

Clickbait can take many forms. It could be a sensationalized headline promising 'Shocking Revelation About [Celebrity Name]' or a misleading image that doesn't accurately represent the content. The primary goal of clickbait is to generate as many clicks as possible, which can lead to increased advertising revenue for the website hosting the content.

 

Clickbait gets its impact from the power of the headline. 40 years ago, newspapers would carefully word the headline that appeared "above the fold" to encourage someone to spend their quarter and buy the paper. These headlines have now morphed into "Subject:" lines on emails, hashtags on text messages, captions on videos and images, and ALL CAP opening lines on social media posts. An honest headline gives the reader an honest taste of the article's contents. Unfortunately, this conditioned many people to scan the headline as a summary and bypass the article itself. Thus, a dishonest journalist could write a deceptive headline and bury the true details in the story. After all, the reader had already bought the newspaper, so the editor didn't care if the reader was informed.

 

Today, as print media disappears, dishonest journalists and others use the same principle to get you to click on their website or buy their product without bothering about accuracy or honesty. Clickbait uses deception and does not care that the content is different than the teaser. Once you click it, they have been rewarded. This self-interest overrides their interest in informing the public.

The consequences of falling for clickbait can range from wasting your time on irrelevant content to being exposed to misinformation or scams.

 

Those who rely on clickbait on unwary readers should not be trusted for accurate information. There is nothing inherently wrong with making a profit from your job or career. However, doubts arise about the writer's or seller's integrity when the profit motive outweighs their passion for providing a safe and helpful product. The product or information may be fine, but the doubt raised by their dubious marketing suggests that we should look elsewhere. Using clickbait to attract attention does not taint the information or product. But it taints the reputation of the user and serves as a warning about the value of their services. If you find clickbait, move on. Your trust has been violated.

 

Where do I find Clickbait?

Clickbait has become standard fare in many digital communication systems. Social media sites like FB, Bluesky, YouTube, X, Instagram, and TicToc will have many posts encouraging you to click on a misleading link. They may be elaborate memes posted by troll farms or a shared post from a friend. They may be tucked into posts that are shared in groups. This is especially true of poorly moderated groups. (I practice signing off groups that allow repeated clickbait-infested spam on the feed.) There is no way to avoid online clickbait.

 

Clickbait has also become increasingly prevalent in email, text messages, and voicemail. Think of it as spam on steroids. It is not simple passive messaging. The message will be urgent, demanding that you “Act Now!”  It will have an emotionally charged message that seeks to bypass reason. Do not trust a website or email address because it looks authentic. A simple change in font type can make “goodyear.com” look like “goodyear.com.“ (Note the first “o”.) Also, text messages can be sent from familiar Area Codes and from spoofed numbers. Do not trust a link just because it looks authentic or familiar.

 

A third type of clickbait is found on billboards, websites, restaurant menus, and signs. QR Codes (Quick Response Codes) allow your phone to click on a site with your camera. These QR Codes are links, and unless you trust the source, do not use them.

 

To be fair, not all links are clickbait. However, some sites are more likely to rely on clickbait. Here is my list of links that require extra caution.

 

Political Candidates

Political Parties

Political Action Committees

Unfamiliar Non-Profit Fundraising

Online Vendors

YouTube Weather Sites

News Organizations other than those with journalistic integrity. (IMHO, AP and Reuters)

Emailed Final Notices from Financial Institutions and the IRS

 

Do Not Give these sites the benefit of the doubt. Rigorously apply the following Clickbait Test before you respond to any link.

 

The Clickbait Test

Does it appeal primarily to emotion? Clickbait is all about emotion, not reason. The stronger your emotional reaction, the more likely it will be a deceptive post.

 

Does it speak to your prejudices or privilege? Clickbait is designed to tap into our predispositions through words and images that speak to our known and unknown prejudices or biases. It will also rely on our unacknowledged sense of privilege, i.e., showing a white man losing his job to a non-white woman. The more outraged it makes you, especially if you cannot identify the source of your outrage, the more likely that it is clickbait.

1.  Does it appeal primarily to emotion? Clickbait is all about emotion, not reason. The stronger your emotional reaction, the more likely it will be a deceptive post.

2.  Does it speak to your prejudices or privilege? Clickbait is designed to tap into our predispositions through words and images that speak to our known and unknown prejudices or biases. It will also rely on our unacknowledged sense of privilege, i.e., showing a white man losing his job to a non-white woman. The more outraged it makes you, especially if you cannot identify the source of your outrage, the more likely that it is clickbait.

3.  Does it communicate a sense of urgency? Clickbait wants you to act without thinking. It will generally stress that you must check this out immediately. The more urgent a lead-in feels, the more likely it is clickbait.

4.   Does it have grand or unrealistic consequences? – Does the post or ad make wild claims? The bigger the promises or the more exaggerated the consequences, the more likely it is clickbait.

5.  Does it contain false or suspicious information? For example, beware of a message from a business with whom you have never done business. It will generally ask you to contact to reclaim an overpayment or demand an immediate payment for a charge you never made.

6.  Does it carry sexual innuendo? Much clickbait will use sexuality to lure the vulnerable. This may be suggestive language or images. If you get a sexual vibe from the post, it is likely clickbait.

7.  Does it feel creepy or make you feel uncomfortable? Gauge the creepiness of the post. Does seeing or reading it make you feel uncomfortable? Trust your instincts, especially when you can't identify the source of the creepiness. It relies on discomfort to motivate you to click on the link. This is often used in fake “Unsubscribe” messages. The stronger the urge to click, the more you need to resist! It is likely clickbait.

 

If a link and its accompanying message meet one or more of these criteria, delete it. Don't take the clickbait! Do not share the clickbait!

 

If you want to help move our society back to respecting decency, seeking honest communication, rejecting hatred, and opening up channels of communication with those who disagree with us, then “Don’t Take the Clickbait!”

An UnCommon Decency – Day 35 – Dealing With The Elementary School Demagogue

Today I remember that kid who fought for the center of attention on the schoolyard or in the classroom.  He seemed to find a way to get everyone's attention.  He would dress outrageously, make attention-seeking noises, get into just enough trouble to hold the teacher's attention, or talk too loudly.  He would create a whirlwind of drama around himself to get everyone talking.  Later on, he drove the most expensive car, or the "baddest" hotrod, etc.  He hooked up with the trophy date and made sure to parade her around the school.  He bragged about being the best and brightest.  His achievements were always a bit more important than anyone else's.  Yep, that kid learned how to capture and hold the focus on himself so that he could never be forgotten or left behind.  He needed to be the center of attention, ALWAYS!

To be fair, not everyone who was the center of attention needed or even wanted to be there.  Some were embarrassed to be the topic in the schoolyard chatter.   For others, the spotlight seemed to seek them out, and they enjoyed their moment of "fame." However, they enjoyed slipping back into anonymity when their time passed.  I am not talking about these folks.  The attention seekers are not to be confused with those who naturally gravitate to the spotlight. 

I am talking those who either believe they deserve the spotlight or crave it so much they find a way to claim it for themselves.  Generally, these kids reveal their need for the class's attention in two ways.  First, they cannot share the spotlight with anyone else.  Second, they cannot give up the spotlight once they get it.

Today, as we prepare to vote in 35 days, I invite you to consider the UnCommon Decency of someone who can enjoy the spotlight when it finds them, sharing it when appropriate, and then moving on when it shines on someone else.   I am also asking you to think about the Common InDecency of someone who seeks and holds the attention on only himself, at all costs.  The former is an Inspirational Center while the latter is a Demagogue. 

Over the last five years, we have become all too familiar with a Demagogue.  This word grew out of a Greek word that described one who leads the common people.  It did not have any negative meaning unless you were an elitist who viewed common folks with disdain.  But in the last few hundred years, the word has acquired a new and darker meaning.  It now refers to someone who appeals to people through their prejudices by making false claims and promises to gain power.  The Demagogue demands and holds his target audience's attention with loud, abusive, untruthful appeals to their racism and fears.  The Demagogue needs the center of attention to fulfill their lust for power over others. One straightforward way to identify a Demagogue is by their deep jealousy of an inspirational leader.  The Demagogue wants to erase the Inspirational Leader's legacy and tear them down with every opportunity.   The Demagogue cannot and will not share the limelight with anyone, especially a rival for the spotlight.

How does the Demagogue get and hold the focus of a nation?

They employ outrageous words or actions.  The Demagogue knows the words they are speaking are untrue or misleading.  But they are not seeking to share the truth.  All they want are the headlines and daily chatter to focus on them.  The actions do not serve the public good or change something for the better.  The Demagogue likely knows, on some level, that what they are doing is not helpful.  It may even be ultimately destructive.   But once again, they are not seeking to build up.  All they want are the daily headlines and coffee shop chatter to be all about them.

Once they get their target group's attention, they hold that attention by provoking and invoking fear or shame or some other powerful negative emotion.  They generally will identify a cadre of "enemies of the people" who want to destroy the American way of life.  The Demagogue seeks to shame those who do not fall in line with name-calling and accusations of disloyalty and betrayal of ideas like patriotism and piety.  They must be relentless in their allegations and threats to hold the headlines and twitter feeds.  The Demagogue does not care about the truth or validity of any of this.  They may even discount all news as "fake news" to discredit those who would try and steal the light of public discourse from them.

The ultimate Attention Seeker is the Demagogue who can capture the attention of a nation and a good part of the world with his lies, rhetoric, outrageous dress, and a constant barrage of media fodder. And, as long as we pay attention, the schoolyard attention seeker will continue his Common InDecency.

So, how can we deal with the Demagogue?  We need to start committing and rewarding UnCommon Decency.

UnCommon Decency begins with turn our backs on the schoolyard Demagogue and focuses our attention on the inspirational leaders among us.  The Demagogue will prevent this from happening.  But it is possible!

Our attention is an act of our will.  It is not under anyone else's control.  They may influence our attention, but we have the choice of where we look and what we hear.  Take charge of your focus.  Turn off the sources that the Demagogue uses to speak to his victims.  Instead, listen for those voices of reason and let your mind and heart gravitate to them.  Unfortunately, the more the Demagogue discovers that people are tuning them out, the louder and more outrageous he will become.  But he still cannot control where you focus your mind and soul.  Make your choices out of others' inspiration rather than the fears and worries that are invoked by the message and actions of the Demagogue.

Turning from the Demagogue will require that we get a grip on our fears so that we can look and listen elsewhere.  The old counseling technique of "name it" and "claim it" can be very helpful.  Do not hide behind the false claim that you are not afraid.  Name your fears.  Claim them as real and then muster the courage to move on anyway.  Fear is a companion in everyone's life.  The mark of growing us is how effectively we respond to our fears.  If we allow them to control us, the fearful will be forever caught in the flock of sheep.  But if we identify and claim our fears, we can set them aside and do what needs to be done for ourselves and others.  This is the essence of courage.  And the Common InDecency of the Demagogue demands a high level of the UnCommon Decency of Courage to move on.

There is a wonderful side effect of changing the focus of your attention away from the Demagogue.  The UnCommon Decency of courage steals your light from the Demagogue and shines it elsewhere, making it easier for others to follow suit.  The more people turn who turn to inspirational leaders will raise that leader's credibility and validity.  Yes, this will provoke the Demagogue.  Yes, a wounded and desperate animal is a dangerous creature.  But we cannot keep feeding it so that it will not eat us.  Instead, we need to focus our attention on an inspirational "dragonslayer" who will help us deal with the Demagogue and move forward.  Courage is contagious.  We need to share it.

Engage in the UnCommon Decency to look away from those who crave and seek the limelight.  Instead, focus on those upon whom that light naturally falls.  Let your hopes and dreams capture your attention and help you focus your energies as you seek out inspirational people to hold your spotlight.  Encourage those around you to move beyond their fears.   Help them see that naming and claiming our fears is not an admission of failure but the path to freedom from the Demagogues threats and lies.  Help them to shift their light onto the Inspirational Leaders as well.

How did the teacher handle that attention seeker in elementary school?  She ignored him until he threw his temper tantrum disrupted the class.  Then she sent him to the Principal's office for discipline.  Life will discipline the Demagogue.  Life finds a way.  Our job is not to feed him with our attention or our votes and get on with growing into the nation we seek to be.

Bob

An Uncommon Decency – Day 41– Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

Did you have a kid on the playground that was known for their whoppers?  They did not just tell a lie.   They told whoppers, lies so big that no one in their right mind would believe that they were true.  These kids grew into great storytellers, as long as they stayed in touch with the fact that they were not telling the truth.  They told tall tales and people enjoyed listening to them. 

 

However, as soon as the audience got the feeling that the teller believed that what they were saying was true, they crowd would start stepping back.  The more convinced the speaker became that he was telling the truth, the farther back many would step.  But then, something interesting would happen.  Some of the audience would start moving in closer especially if the stories being told confirmed their deeply held biases and prejudices.  In fact, they would start cheering and applauding as the Liar’s pants caught fire.  They would declare that he was brave enough to finally tell the “truth.”

 

Not every whopper-teller from the playground grows into a congenital liar as an adult.  I believe these adult liars are made, not born.  They may start out with a creative imagination, but something happens as they grow into adulthood.  They may retreat into fantasy to escape the reality of a painful childhood.  They may have such deep, inner turmoil that the only coping mechanism that works is denial and creative remembering.  And for some, they may have so little respect for themselves or the people around them that the truth seems to be a waste of time.  The latter is especially true if they have been sheltered from the consequences of their lying.  It becomes even more evident when they are encouraged to tell their lies by others that are important to them.

 

In my experience, almost everyone lies.  We do remember differently and sometimes we are simply wrong.  Other times we fill in the gaps of memory with what could have or should have happened.  Sometimes, our self-interest or ego is so involved that we creatively remember.  This is common and does not really reflect a great deal of indecency.  But, when someone lies, even in the face of evidence to the contrary, they have moved into a whole new realm where disrespect seems to be law of the land.

 

There is a link between respect and truth-telling.  The truth depends on self-respect, respect for the real world, and respect for the listener.  Self-respect acknowledges that we are part of a greater community and honor our place in that network.  We want to be known as a person of their word who is trustworthy.  Without self-respect we feel no incentive to be honest with ourselves or others.  The truth-teller also has respect for the real world.  They recognize that actions have consequences and facts are facts, not opinions.  We honor reality with a healthy respect for its impact on our lives and the lives of others.  A truthful person also honors the relationships they share with people who care about them.  They do not want to disappoint or damage that relationship.  Without a healthy respect for ourselves, the world around us, and the people who share it with us, the need for honesty becomes an inconvenient impediment to fulfilling their desires.  Honesty becomes expendable. 

 

How do we deal with the “flaming britches liars” in our lives?  How do we recover the uncommon decency of truth-telling?

 

First, we need to distinguish between storytelling, everyday sort of lying, and the Pants-on-Fire Liar.  The storyteller does it to entertain and everyone acknowledges that he is lying.  It is the World Wrestling Federation and Reality TV of lying.  The everyday sort of social liar is likely lying to themselves more than folks around them.  It is a very common act and sometimes a way to cope with the ups and downs of life.  But the last category of liar is truly dangerous.  They attract followers and can cause a great deal of damage to others around them.  Ask yourself what kind of liar you are encountering and act accordingly.

 

If it is the storyteller, change the channel or laugh along with them.  If it is the social liar, disregard and chalk it up to human frailty.  If it is the latter speak up and call out the lies. 

 

Resist the gaslighting.  The Pants on Fire Liar wants you to doubt your own mind.  They want you to be powerless to argue with their lies.  They will tell the same lie over and over again.  They will tell big lies that challenge the way you see the world.  Avoid the vortex of lies that swirls around the gaslighter.

 

Next, follow the money.  Who benefits from the lie?   Call them out even if they are not spinning the web of deceit.  They are using it to gain some benefits.  Make sure that you know, those around know, and the one’s benefitting know that you know.  Do not let the liar’s allies go unchecked.

 

Third, withhold any respect for their statements or their trustworthiness.  We do not owe a fair hearing to the big liar.  They do not have a concern for decency or fairness.  They are slashing and burning their way through our lives and tolerating them or giving them a fair hearing only serves their purposes, not the purposes pf civil discourse.  They do not deserve, nor should they receive your attention or toleration of their dangerous lying.

 

Fourth, stay true to yourself.  The power of the gaslight is that it causes us to doubt ourselves.  “Would he say such a thing if it were not true?”  “Maybe I am wrong.  He is the President, after all.”  The gaslighting liar wants power over you and they do so by causing you to doubt your own moral and intellectual foundation.  Do not yield any ground to the one you know is a Pants-on-Fire Liar.  Hold fast against the onslaught, even when others chime in.  Remember, they are gaining something from the lie as well.

 

By the way, this sort of lying is not “politics as usual” or just “part of the game.”  Do not be lulled into believing that it is okay because it is so prevalent or the spinmeisters have tried to diminish its ill-effects.  This sort of lying is never okay and should always be resisted.

 

You owe it to yourself and to those around you to stand your ground against the malicious liar.  Uncommon decency requires that we call out the Big Liar and protect ourselves and those around us from the all-to-common indecency of lying that has become part of our lives in 2020.  Stand firm and resist.  Let it be said that “Nevertheless, she persisted.”

 

Bob

An Uncommon Decency - Day 43 - Dealing with Bullies

Every schoolyard had a bully.  They were just part of the landscape.  They were the older boy who was much larger than the other boys.  He gathered a few “admirers" around him and sought out the less mature or smaller boys.  They would steal their lunch money or terrorize them just because they could.  Or it could be a small clutch of “Mean Girls” who would play cruel games on younger, less connected girls just because they could.  The key to “bullyhood” is that they are cruel and threatening just because they could.  They likely have deeper issues, but they select their victims just because they are smaller or have less support from other kids.  Schoolyard bullies were a fact of life in the schoolyard.  Unfortunately, they have become a fact of life in our political playground of 2020.  Uncommon decency requires that we not tolerate bullying. 

 

It is often believed that bullying is a one-on-one activity between the bully and their victim.  But true bullying always involves a crowd.  The bully will gather a cohort to cheer them on.  We may call this a gang or a group of mean girls.  These admirers will cheer the bully on while adding their own torment to the victim’s distress.  But there are others surrounding the bully.  This is a group of spectators who show up to watch the bully and company at work.  The admirers and spectators play essential roles in the bullying event.  The former takes pride in their “leader” who picks on the different folks and establishes a norm of being just like us.  Ther latter stand by and pretend that it is none of their business while getting a thrill at seeing the weaker, different child being beaten up emotionally and physically.  There is little we can do about the bully.  The key to not tolerating bullying is to “call out” the admirers and spectators.  Without them, the bully will back down and slick away in shame.

 

In 2020, we need an uncommon decency that will not tolerate bullies.  First, we need to look out for the bullied.  The bullied should not be on their own.  Second, we need to be honest enough to not use a bully to intimidate our opponents in order to get our way and defend our views of normal.   Ultimately, we need to gather around the weaker and those less able to defend themselves and hold the bully’s admirers and spectators responsible for their role.  We cannot rely on the “teacher” or other authorities to “fix” the bullying.  We need to look out for one another, speaking up and, if necessary, surrounding the bullied with our protective presence.  In short, we, as a community, need to stand up for the bullied while calling out the cowardice of the bully and their admirers and spectators. 

 

The most effective way to deal with today’s bully is to vote.  Name the bully and their admirers and vote against them.  Call out the spectators that are cheering the bully on and help them see their role in the abuse of the victims by voting against them as well.  Uncommon decency demands no less.

We can also refuse to do business with the buly's allies who cheer him on from the sidelines.  I am not talking simply about a boycott.   We should make sure that their customers are informed of the businesses' support for the indecency of bullying.  Such is the way of an uncommon deacency in 2020.

Uncommon decency does not tolerate bullying in the schoolyard or the public square.  Decent people stand up for those who are suffering.  We do not stand aside and laugh at their misfortune.  Nor does it tolerate bullying, even when it supports our biases and prejudices.   In the next 5 ½ weeks, call out the admirers and spectators who are supporting the Bully in the White House and let them know that you stand for an uncommon decency in the midst of the great indecency of 2020.

 

Bob

An Uncommon Decency - 45 Days to Go

For the next 45 days, I will be sharing my thoughts on what I consider to be the most important issue facing the US Electorate.  A second term for DJT is certainly a major concern and could change the course of our nation, but it is not the primary issue.  The party that holds the majority in the 2016 Senate is also an important concern, but, like the first, it is not the most vital.  A vacancy has occurred on SCOTUS, and the GOP will likely fulfill their long-held goal of stacking the court with oligarch-friendly jurists.  But even this is not the major issue for this election.  No, there is something far more vital to our Republic and the future of our nation.  There is something that, if ignored, will tear apart the very fabric of our society.  Are we going to continue to allow decency to become more and more uncommon in our life together as Americans?   

This happened once before and it took five years of civil war and over 600,000 lives before we began to come back together as a society.  (Some would rightly argue that the healing is not complete after 155 years.)

This latest trend toward indecency in our public life began in1989 when the Senate voted John Tower down for a Cabinet Position.  The campaign against Tower was both vicious and personal.  It included attacks on his character and personal life.  There had always been personal attacks in political debates, but generally, these were understated or left to the newspapers or media.  But with the Tower confirmation hearings, major political leaders openly engaged in brazen character assassination and fostering lies to advance their cause.  There were no political consequences for their misbehavior.  That small event has culminated in the 2016 Presidential Election and the elevation of Trumpism as the standard of operation for a major political party. 

Decency has become very uncommon.   This change was signaled when 45 mocked a man with an obvious disability and was applauded for his honesty.  Indecency has become the rule of the day in all things political.  Lying, ignoring the conventions of civility, and hyper-partisanship are the most obvious signs of this indecency.  But the public display of absolute contempt for the opposition as well as setting aside even the pretension of serving the public good has continued unchallenged.  We live in a period when decency has been set aside for political expediency.  The tone of our relationships with our neighbors and others with whom we disagree has been degraded.

We have become a society that lives out of Trumpian narcissism and a lack of compassion in our everyday relationships.  Our children are picking up on this and taking it back into the schoolyard where it was created.  Sectarianism, faux patriotism, and an empty faith, along with a big dose of being offended by the existence of people different from ourselves have become the norm in 2020 America.  No society can survive when it is tearing itself apart with such indecencies.

Over the next 45 days, I want to give voice to the uncommon decency that we need to recover if we are to long endure as a people.  I invite you to share your comments and observations on this as well.  Engage one another in the comments and on social media.  Let’s initiate a dialogue on the real future of our society.  I encourage you to treat one another with decency and compassion and expect the same out of our political candidates and their minions.  Let us renew the call for uncommon decency in our life together.

Bob